


Shi'masu

by GenericUsername01



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Minor Character Death, Starvation, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Trans Spock (Star Trek), traumatic retrograde amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-17 16:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15465033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenericUsername01/pseuds/GenericUsername01
Summary: Kodos put the Tarsus eleven on the kill list because they were poor, disposable, sickly, and nonhuman kids.





	1. The Order

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so the basic premise of this fic is that Tarsus IV played out differently in AOS than in TOS-- namely that Spock and T'Pring were there. It also plays into the headcanon that TOS Spock had anorexia, and it's going to show Kirk and Spock handling their trauma in varyingly unhealthy ways.
> 
> Also because I added two characters that weren't there before, I've decided that eleven of these kids will survive instead of just nine.
> 
> And it has come to my attention since starting my other tarsus fic that humans cannot actually eat grass or leaves, so whoops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me on Spock's transition, it doesn't happen right away. For now, when I say T'Lis, I mean Spock

Tarsus IV was a lovely little backwater, mostly human colony with a school for exceptionally gifted children. There were 2,080 children in the colony and two schools-- one the colonial public school, and the other the much smaller private school.

When T'Pring's family moved there, they extended an offer for T'Lis to join them.

"I find the idea of extended separation from my bondmate and friend to be illogical and unpleasant," T'Pring had said. "In addition, I find the bigotry you face while living on Vulcan to be eminently distasteful. I do not care for it when directed at you or at myself for my association with you. I propose that relocating to a more diverse and hopefully accepting environment would have social and psychological benefits for both of us."

"Your logic is, as always, flawless," T'Lis had agreed. The corners of T'Pring's mouth had quirked up ever so slightly. She frequently indulged in minor displays of emotion when around T'Lis and her mother, moreso than even T'Lis herself. On paper, she was a very poor match for a bondmate and well beneath T'Lis's station. In reality, she was the only one of T'Lis's peers who associated with her, much less stood up for her. Amanda adored her and had insisted on no other when it came time for T'Lis to make a betrothal match.

Now both sixteen, the two Vulcans were close associates and held measures of affection for each other. But there was no physical attraction between them, nor romantic regard of that manner. Their bond would draw them together at the appointed time anyway. It would save both their lives, and it was preferable to being bonded to anyone else either of them had met. They did have a deal, however, that should either of them meet someone who truly held their heart, then they would sever the bond immediately without the need for ritual combat.

The bond was... a safeguard, of sorts. Just in case they didn't meet anyone else. It was a perfectly agreeable arrangement that suited both of their needs and nothing more.

Well, not nothing. T'Lis was the heir to the House of Surak, after all. T'Pring's mother greatly desired the wealth and house name that came along with the match, despite her distaste for T'Lis as an actual person.

And so the two of them, along with T'Pring's mother and siblings, traveled to Tarsus IV and the children were all promptly enrolled in the private school-- T'Pring and her siblings on scholarship, T'Lis not.

It was the happiest period of T'Lis's life for 3.2 months.

* * *

No one thought it was strange that Kodos called another meeting. There had already four meetings where he stood on a stage and spouted meaningless words and empty promises to reassure the colonists.

What was strange, though, was that only half the colony showed up to this one. In fact, it almost looked like  _exactly_ half the colony, though T'Lis knew that to be improbable. Presumably, the announcement of the meeting had been sent out to the entire colony as always and less people elected to show up this time, tired of hearing the same thing over and over. Though the sharp decline between this meeting and the last was illogical. But then, there were only fifteen Vulcans living in the colony. All of the other colonists were from emotionally-driven species and thus could not be expected to behave logically.

The town square was not packed and overflowing as it usually was. T'Lis curiously noted colonial guards posted at regular intervals around the perimeter. This, again, was illogical. The square was in the center of the colony. There were no dangers lurking nearby which they needed to be guarded from.

T'Lis supposed maybe the guards' purpose was to provide emotional peace of mind.

"People of Tarsus IV," Kodos' voice boomed out from where he stood on the steps of the courthouse. "The Federation has abandoned us. This planet is surrounded by an ionic field that makes communication impossible. We will have no help until the next checkup scheduled three years from now. It is my duty to ensure as many people as possible survive until then. And so, I have disavowed the useless rule of the Federation. We are alone out here, on the distant edges of the frontier. We will not be ruled by an empire that has no use nor respect for us."

T'Lis started to notice that the composition of the crowd was... strange. There were more nonhumans than were proportional to the population. Many in attendance were very young or very old, sick and weak and in tattered clothing. Farmers of the now-dead fields; coughing, dust-covered miners; workers from the factories that had been shut down weeks ago.

"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the more valued members of society.Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."

T'Lis understood the purpose of the guards as T'Pring's brother was shot in the back and vaporized.

T'Pring's sister grabbed her and Spock and started running, their mother right on their heels. The crowd was screaming, phasers flashing everywhere and people disappearing in glowing green light. Shots that streaked past too close caught things on fire; sometimes buildings, sometimes clothes, sometimes hair or skin that bubbled and melted.

Spock heard a familiar voice cry out and looked back to see that T'Pring's mother was gone. He picked up his pace.

The perimeter of guards had been loosely defined at best and now it fell to pieces in the chaos, a lucky few slipping out beyond and racing through the empty streets of the colony, out into the woods, into the mountains. T'Ven yanked the younger teens along forcefully, and somehow, some other kids ended up tagging along behind them.

They slowed to a reluctant half-jog twenty minutes in, when one of the smaller kids stumbled and T'Ven let go of T'Lis for the first time to hoist the kid up in her arm. He quickly latched onto her with all four limbs, breathing heavily and sniffling.

The jog slowed to a walk an hour in as two other children started falling behind and Spock took them by the elbows to tug them along.

At one point, T'Ven stopped walking suddenly, listening and scanning their surroundings for a full minute, and then continued on in another direction. They all followed her without word.

She led them straight to a small camp of other escapees.

"We request to join you," T'Ven said.

"Go right ahead," said an elderly Rigellian. Xe held an Orion toddler on xyr lap.

Their little group settled in, and T'Lis took a mental inventory. Three Vulcans, one Orion, one Rigellian, two Andorians, four Tellarites, and seven humans-- one of whom was heavily pregnant. Eighteen people. All of the humans appeared to be children. The Tellarites appeared to be a nuclear family-- two adults and two children. One of the Andorians was a possibly forty and the other a preteen.

Eighteen people. Five adults. Thirteen children. One baby on the way.

They sat in silence that night, staring into a small, smokeless fire that the old Rigellian had built. T'Pring fell asleep leaning on her sister's shoulder. T'Lis slipped into a meditative trance without knowing it and stayed that way 'til morning.


	2. The Humans

In the morning, the adults all walked a little away from the camp to have a discussion in terse, hushed tones as to how exactly they were going to acquire food.

One of the humans wandered over and plopped down on the grass next to Spock. "Hiya!" it said. "My name's JT, what's yours?"

"T'Lis."

"Oh cool! You know, I used to know a human girl whose name was Liz."

"In Vulcan, my name means 'lady of silence.'"

"Oh. Well, I'm called JT because those are my initials."

"Fascinating," T'Lis said. "Is this a common human practice?"

"Uh, sorta."

"Why do humans have so many names that they are required to abbreviate them?"

"There's too many humans and not enough names. The general idea is to get a combination of them that very few other people have. Some humans have up to four or five names."

"Why not simply invent new names?"

"Oh, people do that all the time too. But there's still not enough names though," he said. "And if you get a name that's too weird, then people will make fun of you for it. So it's better to stick to known, safe names rather than sic a kid with a name like Montelukast or Wadda-wadda or Homer or something."

"I see," T'Lis said. "So humans are constantly attempting to find a combination of names that is neither too unusual nor too common."

"Exactly."

T'Lis contemplated that for a moment. "Is not montelukast the name of a generic allergy medication?"

"Uhh. Maybe."

"I see."

"So that's why it's an unfortunate name, you see."

"Indeed."

They lapsed into silence and T'Lis wondered about these humans who occasionally named their children after off-brand allergy medication. On Vulcan, to do such a thing would be quite unusual, and frankly looked down upon. Vulcan names were often based in virtues or admirable qualities, or very rarely taken from the great thinkers throughout history. A name was a goal to aspire to. 

What sort of goals would a child named Montelukast have? Perhaps to go into medicine? Not literally, though it was quite possible that was exactly what their parents desired.

"It appears that Governor Kodos is a proponent of eugenics," T'Lis said, now even more thoroughly puzzled by human customs.

JT snorted. "Yeah, and a racist."

"The two ideologies usually loan into each other," T'Lis said. "It could be argued that they are variants of the same thing. Fundamentally, they are both the belief that some people are biologically inherently superior to other people."

"Yeah, but eugenics tends to run more towards ableism," he said. He held up his hands. "Not saying it's not racist, it's just. It's got added, shitty dimensions on top of its racism. Or like, it's ableism with a whole bunch of racism on the side. And apparently some ageism thrown in there for kicks."

T'Lis cocked her head. "If I might ask, what warranted your status on the kill list? For all intents and purposes, you appear to be mentally and physically sound."

JT snorted. "I'm more trouble than I'm worth. I'm fifteen and I've been arrested ten times and sent to juvie three of those times. Pretty much every adult ever is convinced I'm wasting my potential and going to end up a homeless, drug-addicted prostitute."

T'Lis frowned. "Is that your intention?"

JT gave her a strange look. "No. No, of course not. Why would that be my intention?"

"If you have no intention of allowing such a thing to come to pass, then I fail to understand why it would be expected of you."

JT shrugged. "Sometimes things happen no matter how hard you try to prevent them. I mean, look at this," he said. "I talked to the other kids, and they're all on the kill list for bullshit reasons. McKenna is here just because she got pregnant. Kevin has asthma, Hunter is deaf and Dani-- his sister-- just went to the meeting to sign for him. She wasn't even supposed to be there. Tom has cancer, but he's been in remission for, like, five months now and he's doing fine. Erin lost half her leg in a hovercar accident when she was ten, but she's got one of those android prosthetics and you can't even tell. And Tamara has autism, ADHD, and dyslexia."

T'Lis nodded, filing away the information for future reference. "I believe it is quite clear why the remainder of us were on the list," she said dryly. JT breathed out a humorless laugh.

"T'Lis, aid me in styling my hair," T'Pring said. She moved over to include herself in their little circle of conversation, and T'Lis shifted to face her. She undid the complicated knots and braids she kept her hair up in and let it tumble down loose all the way to the forest floor. T'Lis diligently began recreating the style.

She herself elected to wear her hair in the more traditional style, that which had originally been adopted solely by Vulcan men. She found it pleasing and simple to maintain, and therefore highly logical. It was fast becoming the norm throughout all tiers of Vulcan society.

"Hi! I'm JT."

"I am aware," T'Pring said. "My name is T'Pring."

"That's cool. Are you guys sisters?"

"Negative. T'Lis and I share no blood relation."

"Really?" he looked between them. "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have assumed. That was sort of dickish of me. It's just, you look so much alike, I thought you guys were siblings."

T'Pring arched an eyebrow. "Because we are both Vulcan?"

JT cringed. "Sorry. But it wasn't just that, I swear, I mean, you have the same hair and eyes and skin-- you know what, I'll shut up now. Sorry for being a dick."

"There is no offense where none is taken," she said placidly. T'Lis began piling the majority of her hair up in twists on the top of her head.

"So how do you two know each other then?" JT asked.

"T'Lis is my bondmate."

 _"What?!"_ he shrieked. "You guys are  _married?"_

"That is an inaccurate portrayal of our relationship, for which there is no word in Standard. We share a bond, but it is yet unfulfilled. It is less than a marriage, but more than a betrothal," T'Lis said. She looped a thick braid over and around the mass of hair, curling it in on itself so that it attached in a loop at the base of T'Pring's head.

"Oh. Well, uh, congratulations," JT said. T'Lis nodded in acknowledgement.

The adults marched back into camp, immediately commanding everyone's attention. T'Ven spoke up. "I require eight volunteers to hunt for animals and four volunteers to forage for edible plantlife."


	3. Hunting

T'Ven had them pair up into groups. T'Lis and T'Pring went off together to go berry-hunting, along with Dani and Hunter as the other group.

Tom and Tamara were a hunting pair, the two Andorians were a hunting pair, the two Tellarites, and JT got paired with T'Ven, the extremely hot nineteen-year-old Vulcan. Everyone else stayed back at the camp.

"Soooo," JT said. "Do you know the other Vulcans, or did you just happen to link up with them?"

"We are acquainted," she said, not even looking at him.

"How?"

"T'Pring is my sister. Her mate has been living with our family for the past 3.2 months, and is my tomasu."

"Do you have a mate?"

"Cease talking."

"Okay."

* * *

T'Ven found an adorable fluffy bunny and walked up to it so silently it didn't hear her coming. Then she grabbed it and broke its neck in one fluid motion.

JT desperately wanted to ask why she had volunteered to go hunting when Vulcans were both vegetarians and pacifists, but she had told him to shut up, and he didn't want her to snap his neck like the bunny's, so he stayed shut up.

She made him carry the dead bunny corpse back to camp. A wave of sadness hit him when she put it in his arms, and this suddenly all became terrifyingly real.

He glanced back and saw a tiny baby bunny had hopped out of its den, another poking out behind it. He hurriedly faced front and didn't say anything.

They were the first group back at camp, and T'Ven immediately began to butcher the rabbit by the fire, using just a sharp stone. Her movements were brutal, efficient, and JT couldn't look away. Neither could Erin, apparently. T'Ven gutted the bunny and ripped out its organs, throwing them on the fire.

"Construct a spit," she said, not looking up from her task. Jim hurried to go do that.

By the time he got back, the Andorians had returned with three mice-squirrel things, and T'Ven was grasping the bunny by its ribs from the inside while she peeled off its skin. Erin looked morbidly fascinated. Kevin had buried his face in the old Rigellian's chest, whimpering while xe comforted him.

T'Ven held up the skin. "Does anybody want this?" she asked.

"For what?" Erin asked, even more enthralled.

"The hide could be tanned and made into something. The fur is of high quality."

Older Andorian Lady was looking at her like she was crazy.

Nobody said anything and so T'Ven tossed the pelt on the fire.

* * *

People took their sweet time filtering back into camp. T'Lis and T'Pring were next, returning with meager handfuls of berries and insisting that everyone perform a twenty-four allergy test on themselves before ingesting them, which generally pissed off most of the kids. Dani and Hunter came back ten minutes later with even less berries and their hands and faces covered in dark juice.

It was three hours later before Tom and Tamara returned, ragged and exhausted and empty-handed.

T'Ven had insisted that no one eat until everyone returned and all the food could be collected together and then apportioned according to need.

The sun had set hours ago and Qr'klatonqi-- the Rigellian-- had started telling stories around the campfire to anyone who would listen, to keep their minds off the hunger. Xyr face was lined with hundreds and hundreds of wrinkles that deepened and shifted as xe spoke, the firelight putting them in stark contrast. Xe smiled and laughed and held little Kevin and the Orion baby they were calling Devyn in xyr lap. Xe talked about three mates, xyr children and grandchildren, xyr career as a history teacher. Xe answered every question and then some about what life was like on Rigel VII.

McKenna's stomach growled loudly and she put a hand over her huge belly, embarrassed. "Sorry," she said. "Um. Shouldn't Rek and Don be back by now?"

"Yeah," one of the Tellarite children said. "Where are our parents?"

Before anyone could stop her, T'Ven answered. "Earlier, your parents expressed a strong desire to return to the colony in search of remaining food left in the abandoned houses. This point was argued to its conclusion, and the course of action was deemed both illogical and unnecessarily dangerous, as Kodos' guards will likely already have been ordered to do exactly that. Your parents conceded to our point, but it is possible they only did so to placate us, and then instead of going hunting, they actually went back into the colony. If this is the case, then their lack of timely return means they were likely captured and/or killed."

The Tellarite children gasped, jaws dropping. One of them looked about to cry.

"Now, now," Qr'klatonqi said, shooting a glare at T'Ven. "I'm sure that didn't happen. Your parents probably just got all turned around in the woods, especially with it being dark out like it is. I'm sure they'll be back by morning, and none of us are gonna eat 'til then, alright? Tell you what. I'll stay up tonight and keep watch for your parents. The second they come back, I'll wake you both up so you can hug 'em to death."

"Really?" the girl asked.

"Sure thing," xe said. "Now both of you go on to bed."


	4. First Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tal-shaya = Vulcan form of execution in which the neck is snapped
> 
> To'tsu'k'hy = nerve pinch

Rek and Don weren't back in the morning. No one had yet to wake their children. Maav and Gronk, twins, T'Lis had learned.

But it couldn't be avoided forever and eventually they woke on their own.

Maav oh-so-innocently asked Qr'klatonqi where his parents were, and xe just shook xyr head.

Maav went very, very still and Gronk screamed and raged and yelled accusations. She devolved into crying soon enough. Her brother went off into the woods, scorning all touch, and wasn't seen or heard from for a long time.

Too long.

"We need to eat," the older Andorian said. "I don't care that the sniveling little brat went off into the woods. Let him sulk and miss a meal; it'll teach him a lesson. For the rest of us, though, it's been days and we need to eat. Now."

"The boy has suffered emotional trauma and is in the process of regaining control," T'Ven said. "I will not punish him for this."

The Andorian snorted. "I can't believe  _you're_ defending a child's temper tantrum, of all things. And despite what you may think with that Vulcan superiority complex of yours, you aren't actually in charge. Now hand over the food."

"The food will be distributed appropriately once Maav has returned."

"No. I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, but you're going to stop hoarding all that food right this instant. You've probably been sneaking bits of it, haven't you? You and those other Vulcans. You people are just like Kodos; you think you're so much better than the rest of us. Let me guess. You were going to put off handing out anything until you and your kind have already eaten your fill, and then you'll eat again and there'll be less for the rest of us, but hey, at least  _the Vulcans_ will survive."

"Your accusations are baseless."

"And you aren't denying it. Hand over the food. Now."

"No."

For a moment, there was nothing but tense silence.

Then suddenly the Andorian lunged for the sharp rock T'Ven had used as a butcher knife and she grabbed hold of Qr'klatonqi, the tip of the knife digging into the tender flesh of xyr throat.

"Hand over the food or the old man gets it," she hissed.

T'Ven was standing not three feet away, body tense with anticipation. She could reach them, so easily.

She shot forward like a viper and snapped the Andorian's neck in an instant but it was too late, Qr'klatonqi let out a garbled cry and fell to the ground, the rock sticking halfway out of xyr throat.

"Mom!" the other Andorian cried, rushing forward and falling to her knees beside her. She clutched at her, already sobbing. T'Ven stepped back in a daze.

Qr'klatonqi lay on the ground, gasping, until xe choked on xyr own blood five minutes later.

T'Ven looked down at the scene for a long time, watching the child cry over her dead mother, sensing the heat leave Qr'klatonqi's body. Then she turned on her heel and marched off into the woods.

* * *

Maav came back, and without a single adult around anymore, they all split the food and ate. They set a portion for T'Ven. They stayed on the far side of the camp, away from the bodies which were beginning to smell.

The Andorian girl's name was Shravan and she was eleven. She cried off and on throughout the whole day. She didn't look at Maav once.

Maav, being eight, immediately asked what had happened and Tom explained it to him in quiet tones.

T'Lis spoke quietly in Vulcan to T'Pring.

"Your sister performed tal-shaya when to'tsu'k'hy would have been sufficient," she said. "It was willful murder."

"She is suffering from two broken bonds. Her emotional control is not what it should be," T'Pring said.

"You are suffering the same broken bonds, and yet you have not resorted to savagery."

T'Pring frowned slightly. "I shall perform a meld with her," she said. "Perhaps it will offer insight into her reasoning, as well as grant her emotional stability."

T'Lis nodded. "Most logical."

A few feet away, JT was looking at them intently.


End file.
